


he doesn't love you, baby.

by piehunter



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Castiel Has Feelings for Dean Winchester, Castiel is Not Okay, Castiel is a Sweetheart, Dean Winchester Has Feelings For Castiel, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Mutual Pining, Protective Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-18
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-08-25 15:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,067
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16663084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piehunter/pseuds/piehunter
Summary: castiel is captured by powerful demon salem, who drills into the angel's insecurities about dean.





	he doesn't love you, baby.

“look at me! ain't i the prettiest thing you've ever laid eyes on?” salem taunted, trailing a hand down the handsome angel's jaw.

castiel seemed confused, his jaw clenching and eyebrows knitting. his eyes followed her every step towards him, and he felt her carefully manicured nail dig into the flesh of his cheek.

“do you think i'm pretty, castiel?” she asked, voice dangerously low.

he remained silent, and she scratched his cheek roughly, making him grit his teeth as he felt blood travel down to his jaw.

“answer me,” she brushed his hair back with her free hand, her eyes warm with fire and fury, “do you think i'm pretty?”

he curled his lip.

“not particularly.”

she scowled, sitting down on his lap. he struggled against his bonds, and she smiled.

“it's no use. your dean can't save you; the other one can't save you… you're  _ mine _ .”

he felt disgust fester in his gut.

“i don't need dean to save me,” he spoke, voice low and calm, “i am not a damsel in distress.”

“aren't you, though?” she quipped, leaning in and pressing her cheek against his, “i've captured you. i hurt you and keep you as my pet… are you not in distress? do you enjoy this, baby?”

he felt bile rise in his throat.

“get off of me.”

“you didn't answer the question. you should know by now how much i don't like it when people don't answer my questions.”

“as an old friend once said…

“bite me.”

she cackled, grabbing him by the throat and lifting him from the chair.

“you're going to be one of those, hmmm? you're going to play hard to get?”

he pressed his hand against her forehead, fully intending on smiting her.

he tried and tried, but she wouldn't die.

“i'm a different breed, baby.” she threw him to the floor. “your presto powers won't work on me.”

she held her hand out towards him, keeping him still as she summoned the remaining tarnished grace and let it shine through her eyes.

“y-you're,” he went pale, “an  _ angel _ .”

“not anymore, no. you see, when daddy threw me down the garbage chute, darling lucifer took me in and fixed me. so now,” she flashed her eyes black, “i'm perfect.”

he looked horrified.

“you're a  _ monster _ ,” castiel whispered, and she grinned wickedly, pressing his chin up with her finger.

“mhm. gee, cassie, you really know how to make a girl soak her panties.”

he looked confused, and she huffed out a breath.

“you really  _ are  _ clueless.”

she summoned a mirror, pointing it at such an angle so that you would be able to see the both of them.

“you have what i like to call  _ sex appeal _ .”

“crowley said that,” castiel remarked.

“crowley's a smart boy. look at that face--that jaw, those lips,” she traced his jaw, “those cheekbones… you're stunning. everyone knows so, especially dean.”

he pressed his lips together tightly at the mention of his hunter, and she pressed her cheek against his.

“we’d make a power couple, you and i, taking over the planet.”

“are you out of your mind?” he spat, incredulous.

“maybe. that's not the topic at hand. i have a proposition, darling.”

“whatever it is, no.”

“oh? even if i was about to tell you that i would never come near dean winchester or sam or whoever you wish, just as long as you ruled the world with me?”

he snarled, finally breaking free and pushing her to the floor.

“i will  _ never _ fall for your tricks, salem.”

“i think you already have,” she purred, flicking her wrist and sending him careening into the wall.

she pulled off his tie and trench coat, leaving him in a blazer and slacks. he cast an indifferent gaze at her, and she rooted through his pockets, pulling out a picture of dean.

“aw, what's this?” she mocked, grinning at it. he struggled furiously, trying to bash her skull in, but he couldn't move. he was stuck while she ripped at his biggest secret and insecurity.

“he's real pretty, y'know. he's  _ much _ prettier than you, but i'm sure you know that. he's more handsome, better accustomed to life, smarter, more charming, a better hunter, a better man,” she tsked, brushing a nail over dean's smiling face, “but you know that.”

castiel felt his heart hurt, even when he tried to brush it off as her trying to hurt him. she was, and it was working.

“he'll never love you. why would he love you? you've hurt him and the other one so many times, he probably hates you. he's just using you.”

“shut up.”

“you really don't like the truth, do you? i've flipped through your picture book, babe. i know everything you've ever experienced, everyone you've killed, every thought about dean, the other one, crowley… me…  _ everything _ .”

“why are you doing this?” he growled, and she laughed, running a hand through his hair.

“because it's  _ fun _ , honey. i like watching you cry, watching you suffer because i want you to…” she hummed thoughtfully, “i guess you could say it gets me off.”

she smirked, then punched him in a gut, making him clench his teeth in pain.

“this is what dean wants to do to you. every day, he sees you and wants to,” she connected her heel to his knee in a swift kick, “beat the shit out of you.”

“that's not true,” he grit out, and her lips turned up in this twisted little fragment of a smile that was full of malice.

“is it not?” she pressed a hand to his forehead and reminded him of all of his and dean's worst hits.

_ “we need you--i-i need you.” _

 

_ “listen buddy, uhm… you can't stay.” _

 

_ “i-i thought i was doing the right thing…” _

_ “yeah, you always do.” _

 

“ _ stop it _ ,” he growled, and she just searched further.

 

_ “you want something else?” _

_ “no. i feel regret. about you and what i did to sam.” _

_ “yeah, well you should.” _

 

“ _ no _ ,” he felt tears well in his eyes. he felt a mix of anguish and acceptance mix in his gut. he knew that he was a disappointment, that he was only an object to be used, but even with that knowledge of dean's dislike of him, he still fell for the human that he rescued from perdition.

he fell for a human, a beautiful, broken human who hates him and his kind.

 

_ “dean, i don't want to have to hurt you.” _

_ “i don't think that's gonna be a problem.” _

 

“ _ ENOUGH _ !” he shouted, and it stopped.

“he doesn't love you, baby. just admit it to yourself.”

“i  _ know _ , okay?” he hissed, barely choking back tears, “i don't need to hear it from you.”

“aw, i'm sorry, sweetheart.”

she looked smug, though, almost happy at his admission.

she punched him once, twice, thrice… he lost count after about the fifteenth, and he felt blood travel down his face.

she let him go, and he collapsed, tears rolling down his face.

there was pain in his chest and not all of it was physical. she had only captured him for a week and she had already dug out his deepest insecurity and beat him with it.

she simply walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.

he was left dead silent in a storm of his own thoughts, of dean's frown, his voice when it rose in a monstrous crescendo, his forehead set in stern lines, and his hands clenched around an angel blade as he prepared to force it into his heart.

he laid, shivering, for the rest of the night, until the clock struck midnight.

suddenly there was a loud crash, and he heard shouts.

distinctly male shouts.

“ _ dean _ ,” he whispered, even though he knew that dean would never come for him. dean didn't love him. 

“ _ CAS? _ ” he heard, and he stood, stumbling towards the door.

“dean?” he responded hoarsely, and something heavy slammed against the door, making him jump back.

he got back just in time for the door to fly open, revealing it was in fact dean coming to rescue him.

“cas, thank god,” dean breathed, reaching out to hug him.

castiel flinched away from him, and dean just set a hand against his bicep.

“are you okay, man? what did she do to you?”

“y-you don't care.”

dean looked alarmed.

“of course i care! what's up with you?”

“she made me realize the truth,” he whispered, a tear traveling down his face.

“what truth? cas, you're kinda freaking me out, man.”

“you're only using me. i--”

there was a loud  _ BANG! _ and dean threw himself against castiel, shielding him.

“we'll talk when we get out of here, okay, buddy?”

“fine.”

 

once they were back in the impala and the vehicle was moving, dean glanced over at a completely rigid cas.

“spill. what did she do to you? i can see that she went full rocky on your ass, but… mentally. what's up?”

“why would you care?”

dean kept his eyes ahead.

“you're my friend, hell, you're practically my brother. of course i care, man.”

“when i was there, she made me realize the truth.”

“you said that earlier. what the hell does that mean?”

“it means that i know that you're only using me, dean. you don't care about me. you only want me as a tool. i'm a disappointment, aren't i?”

dean pulled over, turning his body fully towards the angel.

“what the  _ hell _ are you talking about, cas? i don't use you as a tool! and of course you're not a disappointment. you can't let her get to you. that's what she does.”

dean took a deep breath, swiping his hand over his face to try and regain his composure.

“do you really think that i would just use you? like you're some kinda pawn in my giant friggin’ chess game?” he whispered, and he sounded genuinely upset.

“i don't know,” castiel whispered.

dean looked actually wounded at that, and he restarted the car, this time turning the radio on full blast in order to forget everything that just happened.

 

for the next week or so, dean stayed hidden in his room, and whenever he made the occasional appearance, he wouldn't say a word to castiel. he would just give him that sad stare and then retreat back into his room.

it was torture for both castiel  _ and _ sam.

castiel for obvious reasons: he obviously hurt dean, and even if dean didn't care about him, castiel was still madly in love with him.

sam because neither of them would talk. dean wouldn't even acknowledge that he said something whenever he asked about it, and cas would just stare at the table until sam walked away.

one afternoon, sam had finally had enough.

he marched into dean's room.

“what the hell is going on with you and cas? you can't ignore me this time. what the hell, dean?”

sam had his bitchface on 2000% as usual, and dean scowled.

“fine, you really wanna know what happened? i went in and saved his ass, and he went ahead and told me that he didn't even think that i cared about him.”

“maybe she did something to him.”

“yeah, no shit,” dean scoffed, “but when i asked him what the fuck he was on, he said that she told him 'the truth.’”

“but you're in love with him…”

“shut up, sam,” he snapped, flustered.

“why don't you tell him, man? it's obvious that he loves you, too.”

“he doesn't even think i care about him as a friend, and you think that he's gonna believe that i just suddenly am in love with him?”

“she really got to him.”

and with that he walked out. nothing else, sam just straight up walked out.

sam was headed for castiel's room, and when the angel opened the door, sam smiled.

“hi, cas. i have a question about… salem…”

the angel frowned.

“come in.”

they perched on castiel's bed, and sam began, “look, i know that she probably fucked you up  _ bad _ . i don't even mean physically.”

“what do you mean?”

“you think that dean doesn't care about you.”

“dean finally told you.”

castiel just looked sad. there was no other word to describe it, other than perhaps heartbroken.

“i think that you know that the opposite is true. he cares so much about you. when you died…”

sam felt tears gather in his eyes at the memory of dean stuck in this neverending depression.

“he was lost without you. he was broken. he was just… a husk of a man.”

castiel stayed silent, lips pressed together in sorrow when he realized what he had done.

“that's back now. he's acting like he's lost you, when you're right in front of him.

“what did she do to you? why do you even believe this?”

after a few moments, castiel inclined his head.

“i'll show you.”

he pressed his hand against sam's temple, and everything he had ever done to disappoint dean flashed in front of sam's eyes.

after it was over, sam sat quietly for a few moments.

“cas… he didn't… he wasn't out of love at those moments. sure, he was angry or sad, but he could never not care about you.”

“he-he's in love with me?” castiel whispered, and sam's eyes went wide.

“uh… that's the kind of thing you ask dean. uhm. i guess my services are no longer needed. bye, cas.”

sam quickly left the room.

cas tiptoed to dean's room and opened the door. the man was drinking heavily, and by the way he was swaying in his seat, he was drunk.

“dean?” he murmured, and he looked up at him.

“hey, cas.”

“i wanted to apologize--”

“nah it's all good, you just hate me, it's all good.”

“ _ what _ ? i don't hate you--”

“well you sure as hell don't love me. you really really don't, and it sucks, because i keep trying to work up the courage to tell you, and you think i hate you--”

“do you love me, dean?”

there was a long pause.

“of course, man.”

“no, i mean are you in love with me? would you be willing to pursue a romantic relationship with me?”

“i-i mean, yeah, i love you. you're so friggin’ awesome, man. i wish you loved me. you really don't.”

dean was rambling at this point.

“i love you, too, dean.”

“...and then i--wait really?”

“i was afraid that salem was right, that you didn't love me. she showed me everything i had ever done… to you… that made you angry or upset with me. she told me that she wanted to do this,” he pointed at his bruised and swollen face, “to me.”

dean started crying, “i never wanted to hurt you, cas, when i killed the stynes, oh my god and then the--”

“i know, dean, i know,” he whispered, cupping his face.

dean pressed his face against his warm palm, and castiel smiled, his eyes glistening with tears.

“show me that you love me, dean.  _ please _ .”

even with these heartfelt admissions, castiel couldn't help but hear salem's voice:

_ “he doesn't love you, baby. just admit it to yourself.” _

as he stared into those bottle green eyes, he couldn't help but think that she was wrong. the man looked at the angel with so much love and adoration, he couldn't understand how he would even begin to believe anything salem had said.

dean stood, pressing his body close.

“i'm not good at this feelsy, rom-com crap, so i might not say something right,” he began, smiling nervously at castiel, who smiled back. “but i love you. so much. to the point where it hurts when you're gone. i can rest easy knowing that you're safe in the bunker. we've started a little family, y'know? you, me, sam, and jack. i wouldn't usually want to admit this, but he's like my son, and he already calls you dad…”

castiel laughed, pressing his forehead against dean's.

“so, you get it. when you told me that you didn't even think that i cared about you, it hurt to the point that i stopped being able to feel. i couldn't function. even though i knew in my heart of hearts that she had just manipulated you, the fact that you believed that  _ bitch _ made me…”

he sucked in a heavy breath, obviously trying to calm his temper. castiel really saw how betrayed dean was when he opened his eyes again.

“but… i understand now. she must’ve really done one on you, huh?”

“i can show you what she…” castiel cleared his throat softly, and dean nodded softly.

“if you don’t mind.”

castiel took his bottom lip in between his teeth, and he took dean’s hand.

dean saw the entire week of torture in the matter of minutes, and even while watching dean’s eyes filled with tears.

_ “he doesn’t love you, baby. just admit it to yourself.” _

“she’s wrong,” he whispered, and castiel didn’t understand that he was still watching what happened to him for a few moments.

“i know.”

when he saw her beat him until he collapsed, he sobbed.

“i’m so sorry,” he said once it was over, hugging him tight.

castiel melted into the man’s embrace. he was tired of believing her lies. he wanted dean to be in love with him, and castiel wanted to be in love with dean. even after everything that they had been through, every fucked up thing they had done to each other, they always returned to each other. they had bled, died, and killed for each other.

castiel thought about billie, about how he offered no remorse for killing her. the thought of dean  _ or  _ sam dying for good made his blood run cold. he wouldn’t be able to live in a world without the winchesters.

due to dean’s impending mortality, he knew that his life on earth would be nearing an end very soon. once dean died, he planned on bringing his soul to heaven to stay with him. he would bring sam, too. they could live out eternity together.

“hey, cas?” the man whispered, rubbing a thumb over his knuckles.

“yes, dean?”

“i love you.”

“i love you, too.”

dean grinned, a bright, megawatt smile that lit up castiel’s world. he knew from then on that  _ this _ was castiel’s reason for being.

dean winchester.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading, babes ! tell me what you think, yada yada yada ,,,


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